Why Modern Motherhood Feels So Overwhelming (And How to Slow Down) | Leah Renee

Maggie (00:01.326)
They've created a world

Where the people who care the most are often given the least amount of time to actually care. We celebrate promotions, packed calendars, and endless responsibilities. We praise being busy as if it's the same thing as living well. But what if the greatest success isn't building a life that impresses people, but building one that doesn't cost you yourself? Welcome to Women Folk Revival, where we are deeply rooted and wildly intentional. I'm Maggie.

Meara (00:34.059)
Hi Mira. Today's conversation is one I think so many of us need. How do we build a meaningful life without losing ourselves in the process? When we first came across Dr. Carla's story, we knew we wanted to invite her on our show because after spending more than 20 years in education, she began noticing something she simply couldn't ignore.

She was seeing bright, capable young people who looked successful on the outside, but were quietly struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, pressure, and self-doubt. That realization changed the direction of her life and led her to create the House of Rise, where she now helps young people and families build confidence, emotional resistance, and self-trust. Carla, we are so grateful you are here. Welcome to Women Folk Revival.

Maggie (01:17.218)
Yes, welcome.

Dr. Carla Caturia (01:17.569)
Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. I'm excited about this time together. Yeah. Good. Cool.

Meara (01:22.281)
We are too. So Carla, after more than twenty years in education, you started noticing something that just didn't sit right with you. Kids looked like they were doing well on the outside, but underneath they were carrying this anxiety and perfectionism along with self-doubt.

Maggie (01:22.85)
We are too.

Meara (01:38.889)
Was there a moment when you realized I can't keep doing this the same way anymore? And what was that that finally had what was it that finally changed something in you? Can't talk.

Dr. Carla Caturia (01:52.629)
Yeah. So I don't know if it was one specific moment, but it was the fact of when I started on my journey of deeper personal development and I started to see coaching working and it changing and shifting with the the that cycle within myself because I'm just like the high achieving kids that I'm working with. Once I started to see it shift for me, I I had that that click was, well, I wanna share this with them and I wanna do the same thing to support them.

And I think it just got to the point of when things become so painful, we don't want to live that way anymore and we wanna, you know, live a different way. And I think for me, I started to realize that my identity wasn't my achievement. And the same goes for my kids, the, the, the students that I had. Their identity didn't have to be that achievement. and they needed, they needed support finding out who they really were outside of that.

Meara (02:47.53)
Go ahead.

Maggie (02:47.874)
We no. No, you go ahead.

Meara (02:51.838)
was I was just gonna ask, what is it that you saw in those those kids that you that you were just like, I can't ignore this anymore? What was it that changed?

Dr. Carla Caturia (02:58.666)
Yeah. So I saw, you know, I saw the GPAs and the grades and the colleges and all the good things. Of course, they, you know, that's all positive. but I I saw that they were putting on like just an undue level of pressure on themselves. Their parents were putting a lot of pressure on either them or the parents were just stressed out about it per se, you know, and they began to just not trust themselves.

So it was a lot of perfectionism, a lot of just uncertainty with you know decision making and things like that. And they kind of just broke down. And it might not be, you know, like some kids were having anxiety attacks and things like that. And it might not be even something visible like that, but they just became this busy person. And but what for what purpose? Why why are you doing this? And and what

They didn't realize it what it was costing them. Like they wouldn't weren't having as much fun or, you know, and it's it's it's all about balance. You know, we want, you know, you want to achieve and do well, but you also want that balance and you want to live a fantastic life as well. And I felt like they were just caught up in this super wound up, tight cycle and not really able to like live as kids. And I wanted to see them be I wanted to see them achieve in a healthy manner, in a way that's healthy for them.

Maggie (04:25.965)
Carla, you brought up identity and one thing that we talk about a lot on this podcast podcast is how easy it is to lose your identity, or to let our identities become wrapped up in what we do. Did you feel how much do you feel your identity was tied up in you being a principal? And then did you feel any grief when you let that part of yourself go?

Dr. Carla Caturia (04:49.504)
Hm. Yeah, I think that the that was probably the biggest shift I needed to make. yes, it's can be challenging to, you know, logistically leave a leave my principal position and start a new business. There's a logistical piece. Yet even more difficult, like you said, grief and you have to kind of like have a funeral for the old you. And you know, she was great, she was awesome.

in that season. And now as I step into this season, who am I? So just the fact of calling myself a coach versus calling myself an assistant principal was a thing. You know, so I think the first few years of me do taking this shift were really unlocking the new meme, even more so than trying to run a successful business. It was all about identity, all about who do I want to become? Yes, absolutely.

Maggie (05:30.114)
Yeah.

Meara (05:47.444)
Who did you discover that you were

Maggie (05:47.743)
And now you've become yeah.

Meara (05:51.796)
Who who was it that We are.

Maggie (05:52.056)
We're asking the same thing, I think.

Dr. Carla Caturia (05:59.262)
Who do I respond to?

Meara (06:01.514)
I did have a quick a quick side note question. I know that we had touched briefly before we started this conversation on

you being the principal to children in a school and then now you also helping children who are homeschool and maybe if we can touch on like the difference that you saw in the expectation of children who are who go to school and have a million things that they're doing on and on that are you know they have on their plate with like like extracurricular activities and that and then children who are homeschooled and and aren't about that fast paced lifestyle.

Dr. Carla Caturia (06:39.594)
Hmm. So yeah, I think and I think you also asked what who I was becoming at as well. And I can I can tie that in here too, because I think when I was in a school system, I really was a manager of whatever the school system wanted me to do. And I think there's a lot of good there. And I did a lot of great things and I agree with many of the the ideals and values and things of a school system. Yet it wasn't

Maggie (06:45.58)
Yes.

Dr. Carla Caturia (07:08.754)
I wasn't able to completely be who I was and support people how I wanted to. So in that answer or that question that you're asking me, in that answer, like I think the reason why I may appeal to many more families that are homeschooled or have kids online school or some alternatives is because I don't necessarily align with that busy, fast-paced, keeping up with the Jones is, all that matters is GPA's lifestyle.

so I think there are many homeschool families that do still have too many activities because they're kind of making up for the fact that they aren't at a school with a sport or something like that. And that homeschool families as well need to be careful about that. But I think there's I think there's a lot of families that are stepping into a more grounded I want them to learn what I think is valuable for them. I want to it to align with what they're with what my child's.

Maggie (07:40.642)
Mm.

Meara (07:42.473)
Yeah.

School.

Maggie (07:47.319)
Mm.

Dr. Carla Caturia (08:04.886)
what f what I think is their strengths and what they find fulfilling and what their purpose might be. So I think their homeschool families and online families and alternatives are a little more open to the the idea of thinking differently, having a different perspective, having an open mind, mindset shifts and some of the things that I do versus kind of being caught in the matrix of a typical, you know, public school life.

And I think I made that shift, and then I think that's why I'm attracting those types of families.

Maggie (08:42.573)
Carla, for for the kids who who do have to go to public school, given your experience with being a principal and with all the families that you work with, what if you could redesign the education system around what children actually need, not what the system needs from them, what would that look like?

Dr. Carla Caturia (09:06.75)
Yeah, I think it would be more individualized. And I know that that's a difficult thing to do when you have such big class sizes and things like that. And research says class sizes don't matter. I mean, I have a doctorate, I've done the I know the research, but I can tell I can tell you as a teacher, that it was very difficult for me to get to all the kids. And I I tr trust me, I did my best, but you end up teaching to the middle, you know. So that's just you're you're one human. You can only do so much.

Meara (09:19.482)
You do.

Dr. Carla Caturia (09:34.859)
And I think I applaud people that have done many initiatives all in the realm of emotional intelligence and and all of those things. Yet I would design, you know, there's plenty of schools out there that I've seen that people have designed the school more around project based learning, realistic things that kids are gonna do in in it like financial literacy or running an Airbnb or

really getting in connection with who they are. So the emotional intelligence piece, but also the hands-on, I planted a garden and I'm you know the peace. so less abstract. Do they still need math and reading and writing? Absolutely, of course. but I think it might be a bit it's a bit out of balance with the amount of tests and all the things that we we we do in a traditional school.

Maggie (10:02.945)
Mm.

Meara (10:10.985)
Yeah.

Maggie (10:12.737)
Mm.

Meara (10:25.866)
So like the individual so sorry.

Maggie (10:26.145)
What are some

Go ahead.

Meara (10:30.568)
I was just saying about how it's like more tailored to the individual self. I did go to a school that was for kids who had learning disabilities and all through grade school and I was on a class of like ten or twelve kids and we had an assistant and a teacher and it really helped because they were able to focus on, you know, my specific needs that were and then they were able to tailor them to me. Unfortunately we can't do that with everybody because

Maggie (10:31.809)
Meara (11:00.492)
the amount of kids to you know educators are are far but but but I think that I agree. Less less

Maggie (11:05.483)
Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (11:05.588)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Carla Caturia (11:10.122)
And I think it was what the school you went to, and I know schools have this outcome in mind, but it doesn't always translate. Like the school you went to, the outcome was to get you what you needed. And what you needed looked differently than what he needed and what she needed. And it's it and I think that is super the that's that's the valuable piece of it for sure. You know, what's best for what's best for all kids, every single one of them. Yeah. Yeah.

Meara (11:16.831)
Yeah.

Maggie (11:36.022)
Yeah. I I know I I struggled a not a lot in school. Not because I I didn't have a learning disability. I just wasn't

I just wasn't into everything that they were giving me. And you know, some schools, I had a principal that, you know, I my grades were were not very good. Again, not because I wasn't smart, just because I just didn't feel like it was important for me. And the principal said, you know, she was like, Well, she's like, Maggie's an artist and you know, that's what her life is all about and she's not gonna need all this. She was like, I see that, I understand it. She was like, We'll see what we can do

to get her through just the pass, but you know, she agreed that I wasn't gonna need half of what they were giving me in in high school. So what go ahead. What are some things that you think that parents can do at home to kind of fill in the gaps of what's missing for their children until the education system changes, if if it ever does, hopefully it does.

Dr. Carla Caturia (12:24.8)
Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. I mean no no, go, go, go.

Meara (12:42.923)
Yes. Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (12:46.166)
Yeah, and and I think I think even if you know, whether your child goes to a private school, public school, or all online or home school, any parent can do this. So it's it's it's n I don't think it's an academic thing. Yes, you kid might need tutors and things like that. Understood. But I think it starts with how you interact and communicate with them. You know, it are you praising their effort? Are you being vulnerable with them? Are you validating their emotions?

Maggie (13:05.281)
Ha ha.

Dr. Carla Caturia (13:15.486)
Are you are you truly present with them? So I think it's things outside of the academic piece, but really helping them to become grounded, emotionally intelligent individuals is the core. And then from there, if they go to a private school with three kids in the classroom or 30 kids in the classroom, they're gonna be able to know, you know, but correct, correct. But them knowing, knowing themselves and how to.

Meara (13:35.091)
have the tools. Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (13:40.116)
what their patterns are and manage their emotions. I think I mean that's what I do and that's why I do it because I think it's paramount to all the other things they're gonna do, whether it's their careers and their college and and everything beyond. but that's the that's the basis right there and starts with the family relationships.

Maggie (13:52.354)
Yeah.

Meara (13:58.336)
Yeah, it does. Were you gonna say something, Maggie?

Maggie (14:02.603)
Well, yeah, I'm kind of thinking so many and this this kind of goes into a another 'cause you've you've touched on something that I was gonna ask you about later.

But so many so many kids today don't have that family stability. They have a family that they go home to and a house that they live in, but they just don't have a relationship with with anyone really in their family or you know, that emotional stability either. How how would you suggest

a child in that situation find an adult that they can rely on for that sort of thing? 'Cause I feel like there's a lot of people in that position that have bad intentions as well. So what advice could you give them to find someone that would really give them what they needed in that sense?

Dr. Carla Caturia (14:45.418)
Yeah, and I

Dr. Carla Caturia (14:56.766)
I think, you know, as a child it's tough because you don't know like you don't have a car and money and and ways to to to you know I mean like it you rely upon those adults, whomever they are that live with you, right? So but if you are, you know, going to school, it's it's finding that one or many teachers or s counselors or whoever it might might be, but

Having one intentional person that you can trust and you can go to. And if it's not at school, it's at the boys' club. If it's not at the boys' club, you it's at a as at your soccer team or whatever it is. But I think trying to be involved, whether it be in a s in a school setting or not. and I know, you know, k kids may or may not have that ability. I mean, even if you're I've seen things, you know, even if you're playing video games, you have to be careful because you don't know who's on the other side of that video game and how they're being influenced. So ki kids

Maggie (15:49.772)
Right.

Dr. Carla Caturia (15:53.335)
It's they're vulnerable. So it's you, you know, if you are in a position that you don't have the best influences, and I've worked with plenty of kids that don't have the best influences, it's it's really aligning yourself and giving yourself as much proximity to those positive influences. If it's your PE teacher or your volleyball coach or somebody like myself or a name, even like a neighbor, somebody that.

you know makes you feel heard and validated and and good. and helps you to kind of take make those right decisions. So yeah.

Maggie (16:34.078)
Is there is there a system set up within schools like say if I'm just say if I'm just one of our listeners and I don't have children or maybe my children are grown and I would like to be able to help kids, you know, especially in that situation where they don't have anybody, is there something set up in in public schools where they can go and volunteer?

Dr. Carla Caturia (16:56.874)
Yeah, a hundred percent. I mean, depends upon the state. You know, I've worked in a couple of different states, what the programs might be called, but schools are always taking volunteers. Obviously, you have to go through the steps to, you know, clear yourself and and all of that. but you can read to kids, you can help kids that have potential learning disabilities, you can go in you you can just help at events that they're having. I mean

There's a numerous amounts of ways that you can go to the library and help with the library, which in turn isn't in a school, but you're still helping kids at the local library. So I think there's plenty of ways. there's business owners a lot will do something, you know. We have we have programs in Florida that have to do around women business owners and they speak and and engage with kids in that way. So I think it's a matter of just clicking on, you know, the local school's websites and and districts.

and you know become a volunteer for whatever you feel your expertise is. If it's if it's leadership, if it's you just you know reading to to kids, there's all varying levels. And then you can even, you know, there's programs I I have mentored I mentor kids in programs still as an outsider. those that are going I I take them junior year to senior year into into college. So there's programs

Meara (18:03.945)
Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (18:15.016)
of various levels of how much time you and effort you want to commit to to individual kids. But yes, schools are all about it. You just have to kinda get past that red tape piece. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.

Maggie (18:25.822)
Okay.

Meara (18:28.681)
I think even if you get on like the board and stuff and there's behind the scene things that you can do to get your foot in the door as well to help not necessarily hands on with children, but there's there's always a way and there's they're always looking for people to help, especially public schools here I know for sure. Because we have such a short things.

Maggie (18:31.668)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Carla Caturia (18:36.221)
Absolutely.

Dr. Carla Caturia (18:44.2)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. I mean, even like substituting, if you're a retired person and you have the energy and even if you don't want to do it every day, someone that's consistently like I've had substitutes that are in their 70s when I was working and they were just ingraining good ways to live. Like I I I didn't even I almost didn't, it didn't matter if they got through that day's lesson. It was I knew I had a trusted adult in front of them that was gonna teach them the right thing to do.

Meara (19:16.639)
And it only takes one person to make a huge difference. I've seen so many stories where kids say it was that one mentor, that one teacher that, you know, changed the whole trajectory of their life. So it really matters, you know, being there and supporting kids.

Maggie (19:16.886)
That's great.

Dr. Carla Caturia (19:27.71)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And and people think teenagers aren't listening and they think all these things about them, but they're listening. They are. They just they're just not going to show it to you like you want want to see it. There's always gonna be a lot of resistance there, right? You just gotta get past that. Mm-hmm. Yep. That's that's true. That's that's true. True, true story.

Maggie (19:41.387)
Yeah.

Meara (19:42.985)
Yep. Even into adulthood. Young adulthood.

Maggie (19:44.865)
Yeah.

Meara (19:51.606)
Well, you know, I think a lot of women who are listening in real at some point in their lives realize that they've spent years trying to earn their worth through just achievement as well, you know. So what do you think that that's why so many of us relate to what you're seeing in today's children?

Dr. Carla Caturia (20:13.77)
Yeah, I would say so. I mean, I was that person and I've talked to plenty of women in that same scenario. I mean, the more money I make, the the the just I'm I can't think of the word, the promotion. maybe it doesn't have anything to do with work, but it's it could be, you know, head of the PTA PTA. Like they're just just having some achievements or or posting all about their kids and their kids are doing all these things and it's it's like that your worth is tied.

Meara (20:27.808)
Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (20:43.402)
To all of that. And I think I was the same way. And yeah, it you getting to the point in your emotional life that you realize like none of that matters. It's all good. And I'm gonna still keep achieving and doing and helping others, of course. But I am good and I'm enough no matter what happens, as far as those outcomes are concerned. and that is a great place to be in.

I I wish I could have been there sooner, but I'm glad I got there. Right. but yeah, that's definitely a it's fantastic because you realize then then things actually start flowing to you a lot. life gets better. believe it or not, because you know, your your worth isn't dependent upon external. It's it's all internal.

Meara (21:33.897)
Yeah, like you don't feel like you have to prove yourself anymore, like you're kinda like free and on your own. what would you say to the women listening who feels like they've spent their lives trying to prove their worth instead of just knowing it?

Dr. Carla Caturia (21:48.245)
I would say I I feel you. And and and it's it's it's not, you know what I mean? Like the the first step is the fact that you realized it. Cause I didn't even know it for so many years. I didn't know it. I wasn't stupid. I just didn't know. Like I didn't have that that peace. So just because you learned something today, I mean, be grateful that you actually have that realization. You're like, okay, how am I gonna how am I gonna work through this? So I mean.

Meara (21:50.653)
Mm.

Dr. Carla Caturia (22:12.904)
And it's also having gr gratitude for maybe the relationship that it didn't work out or, you know, whatever kind of was put in your path that made pushed you to kind of become this new person that does have that self-worth. You have to have gratitude for that and just say, like, hey, at least I learned it at this point. because it it does take a lot of work, but trust me, it's so worth it. Just taking one little step at a time and to step into that new identity of like a much more powerful individual is so worth it. So worth it.

Meara (22:42.699)
It's coming, even though it feels like it's not gonna get there. It it it will get there. Just keep pushing.

Maggie (22:45.194)
Yeah.

Dr. Carla Caturia (22:48.342)
And and then even when we get there we're like, well, but the next thing and we're okay, no, no. You're like y you you can you can revel in it, it's okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Meara (22:52.863)
Yeah.

Meara (22:57.385)
Yeah. Yeah. Or some women might go ahead. You think

Maggie (22:57.386)
Mhm. And I think and one thing I think one thing that you said is really important too, you know

'Cause so many of us think it, you know, you weren't stupid for not realizing it. None of us are. We have been programmed since the beginning to to think this way and to live this way. It is this is man's world that we have been programmed into being part of. So it's really just undoing that programming and, you know, using our brains like God intended and and that's when, you know, I think that realization happens and

And and they can just flourish and be and you know, just live.

Dr. Carla Caturia (23:41.751)
And I think you said it. It's like when I finally like refound my faith and kind of surrendered to God, that was what really put me over the edge of, you know, I don't have anything to prove to anyone else. I know I'm good at what I do. I know I'm a good person. I know this, that, and the other thing. And it's all gonna be taken care of because I surrender to you. And I think that is huge. That's huge. It's not and it's not easy.

Maggie (24:07.06)
It is huge and it's a beautiful thing.

Dr. Carla Caturia (24:10.228)
And it's not easy to do because you're believing in the invisible. You're like, but I don't have that much money or yet, or I don't have that business, or I don't have that man, or whatever you feel whatever it is you're trying to strive for. But you have to just believe, like you said, that it's coming.

Maggie (24:20.524)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (24:25.429)
Yeah. And know that when it gets there you deserve it. Don't question yourself. Just go with the flow.

Maggie (24:28.788)
Yes. You absolutely deserve it.

Dr. Carla Caturia (24:32.022)
Nope.

Maggie (24:35.902)
And don't let anyone tell you differently.

Meara (24:38.301)
Right. That's right.

Dr. Carla Caturia (24:40.566)
Totally, totally agreed, agreed. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Maggie (24:48.3)
I love that. so I yeah, the you know, the last the last question I had for you, Carla, you you have already answered it tenfold. I love this message of you know, realizing that, you know, even you spent your, you know, entire entire adult life working towards something, then realizing that

Meara (24:50.643)
See your face.

Maggie (25:14.624)
You know, it just wasn't fulfilling you and giving you what you needed and you were worth more and you could provide so much more for people by changing directions and you had the you know you had the strength and the confidence in yourself to do it. And I I think that's wonderful and I think all of our listeners today are gonna gain so much from that.

Meara (25:37.547)
Yeah, I think so too.

Dr. Carla Caturia (25:38.122)
Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah.

Meara (25:42.037)
Well, Carla, thank you so much for spending this time with us today. One thing we'll carry away from this conversation is

Maggie (25:45.142)
Yes, thank you.

Meara (25:49.407)
Before we can help our children know who they are, we have to be willing to rediscover who we are too. my gosh. Every time. Your story is a beautiful reminder that it's never too late to come back to yourself, to choose a different path, and to build a life that's rooted in what truly matters. Because when we know who we are, we give our children permission to know who they are too. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. If you would like to connect with Dr. Carla or learn more about her work,

Dr. Carla Caturia (26:14.154)
No.

Meara (26:17.845)
You'll find all of our information and resources in our show notes below. If you know someone who would enjoy this conversation, be sure to subscribe and share with them. As you go into this week, remember this. Life moves fast. Don't miss the people right in front of you while you're chasing everything else. The little moments you're living today are the ones your family will remember tomorrow. So until next time.

Maggie (26:41.716)
Stay rooted and stay wild. Thank you, Carla.

Meara (26:44.309)
Thank you so much. We really appreciate you.

Dr. Carla Caturia (26:46.07)
Thank you. Thank you for having me. I had so much fun. Thank you.

Maggie (26:49.643)
Wait a too. Thank you.