The Lost Village | Why Mothers Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

Maggie (00:01.892)
We were told asking for help meant we can't handle motherhood. But motherhood was never designed to be handled alone. Welcome to Women Folk Revival, where we are deeply rooted and wildly intentional. I'm Maggie.

Meara (00:17.996)
And I, Mira. And you know, Maggie, when you say that motherhood was never designed to be handled alone, I think that's exactly why so many women keep talking about wanting that village. Not having one, but wanting one. And I think most of us know i d even

I don't think most of us know what it is exactly what we're looking for anymore. You know, we we are always connected to hundreds of people online and we can just text anybody at the drop of a dime and we can see what everyone had for breakfast on Facebook and you know, still somehow we've never felt more alone. And I've said that to my husband just a few weeks ago. I'm like, I feel lost. I feel so alone and I have you here and I have the kids here. I just I feel so disconnected.

Maggie (00:47.471)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Maggie (01:06.458)
Well see here's the thing. Of all those of all those people that you that you are connected with online, how many of them could come over and watch the kids? How many of them are going to bring you a meal if you know if you just have surgery or if something's going on or you lose to love you lose a loved one? you know, a lot of these connections that we have online are are very casual and

Meara (01:35.672)
Superficial.

Maggie (01:36.385)
Even if they're not, like you and I, we live an hour away from one another. So I can't just, you know, be there quick to watch the kids if there's an emergency, you know. It's gonna take me an hour to get there plus the time to wrangle up my crew and get in the car and go. So it's just not it's just not realistic, you know. We don't live, you know, two seconds away from each other anymore.

So having that, you know, that village is having that community nearby, you know, preferably family would be great to have nearby. But that all kind of went away when people started had having to relocate for employment and, you know, different career opportunities.

Meara (02:24.097)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (02:27.694)
Yeah.

Maggie (02:29.388)
You know, and having those you know, those trusted neighbors. The quality of humans has has gone down. And society made it that way. You know, they want they want us dumb, they want us sick, they want us compliant, they want us ignorant to to everything that is that is important for us.

Meara (02:38.69)
Yeah.

Meara (02:46.894)
Client, yes.

Maggie (02:56.034)
And it's just man, it's really wreaked havoc on on women and on families and and humanity itself because connection is key to good health. You know, we've seen studies, we've seen it in other cultures where

Meara (03:10.125)
Yeah.

Maggie (03:14.606)
You know, they do have that village, they do have that human connection. And I think people really woke up when the pandemic happened. You know, they realized we need connection for not just mental health but also physical health. Isn't that just doesn't that blow your mind? We need human connection for good physical health. That's crazy.

Meara (03:22.999)
Yeah.

Mm.

Meara (03:39.62)
Yeah.

Yeah, it makes it makes sense to me. And you know, on some of my Facebook groups that I belong to, I've seen women say things all the time, like, I just don't have anyone to call or I don't know who I'd ask for help. I don't have any friends. And I understood that completely because for most of my life I didn't have that village either. You know, I grew up as an only child being adopted. I found my biological siblings now and that's been wonderful. But growing up I just I didn't have those sisters or cousins or aunts that were stopping by or a close group of women around me because my family even

that we were close knit, it was only around, you know, occasions like then Christmas and Easter. And so because of that, I became my own village. I became the mom, I became the aunt, I was the friend and the helper. And I just I didn't realize how heavy that was on me until until just recently.

Maggie (04:34.114)
And you know, and what you say wearing all those different hats like that, you know, being the sister, the mother, the aunt, the everything, that is okay as long as you have a close knit group that does that also. It cannot be you all the time, one hundred percent. It cannot. Nobody can sustain that. You need you need a group, you need a village.

Meara (04:58.999)
Yeah. And

Meara (05:03.458)
Yeah, you do. You really do. I you know, and then I started wondering what are we actually what is it that we're actually looking for when when we want that village?

Because it's not just child care or someone watching our kids in the afternoon. It's like you said, we're craving that connection. Someone to just call or text and be like, man, today was hard. Or when we're questioning ourselves, like like we do with each other. We're always texting each other, you know, someone to laugh with or someone to cry with, like me, because I cry all the time. Or, you know, just share life with.

Maggie (05:32.684)
Yeah.

Maggie (05:39.628)
Well, and I I do too. I just don't do it I don't let people see it.

Meara (05:44.097)
online. It's hard. Those emotions are there, you know. but someone who understands that, you know, life is beautiful and so messy at the same time. It's not one or the other. It's you know, it's it's a combination of both. And and I think that's why so many of us

Maggie (05:50.03)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (06:06.572)
end up on our phones and it's not because we're lazy or bad mothers. It's just I think some of the time I think we're looking for that connection and we're searching for that community, you know?

Maggie (06:16.888)
Yes. Yeah, to have something that is outside of of just motherhood. I wouldn't give up motherhood for anything and I don't like to be away from my children. But I still need I need I need something else to connect with. I need a human I need human connection.

Meara (06:38.904)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're looking for the village and we've been trying to find it through a through a screen subconsciously, you know. And I think that our children aren't that different. We spend so much time talking about screens, but but

Children need that connection too, the attention and and the boredom. And I know it sounds strange because most of us try to avoid of avoid that, but like you and I had discussed, that's where the creativity starts and that's where the forts get built and games get invented and the stories get created and and they learn to solve problems and use their imagination. It's always been an important thing in our home. And I've always needed structure and rhythm. Yeah. My kids come to me, mm-hmm.

Maggie (07:05.114)
Mm.

Maggie (07:10.574)
Yes.

Maggie (07:18.19)
And patience. They learn patience as well.

Meara (07:23.52)
Well I don't know about five five girls and patience and boredom. That's that's huge. That's man, they're always bored or I don't know what to do and

Maggie (07:34.739)
I'm not gonna say I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy every step of the way, but as they get older, as they get older, they're gonna develop that. And a lot of times too, it comes in adulthood and finally you're like, yes, I do know this. I've been experiencing it all of my life. I just never I just never put it together. And then they're able to to work that emotion or that quality out.

Meara (07:39.372)
It's not. Uh-huh.

Meara (07:58.211)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (08:04.376)
On their own.

Maggie (08:04.462)
because yeah, because they have spent a lifetime seeing it and and practicing it unknowingly or having it, you know having it there, having it be familiar to them.

Meara (08:06.786)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (08:18.048)
Mm-hmm. And it's a lot harder with the teen a preteens that I have. They're constantly coming well, Ruby. She just sits there and gets in that mood and I'm like, Okay, so what's the problem? And she's like, Nothing. I said, Okay, you're not gonna sit here and put me in a mood because you look like you're in a mood. She's like, I'm not in a mood. I said, You're just bored? She said, Yeah. I said, Go find something to do. And fifteen minutes later, her and her sister were out front in the yard pretending to identify plants and and coming up with their own system, like, you know, they were following a moth to see what the moth was doing and where the moth was going.

Maggie (08:32.218)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (08:47.982)
So it's like, you know, we're always so quick to put a screen to their face or sometimes I and I'm guilty of it. I'll turn the T V on because in that moment I need that rest and I've learned how to not feel guilty. Hey, listen, I'm gonna go sit on the back porch, have me a cup of tea, and you're gonna sit in front of this TV for an hour and then we can come back outside and you can drive me nuts again. But it's all about that rhythm in our home. It's it's been important and and having structure and for me

Maggie (08:55.546)
Sure.

Maggie (09:08.664)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (09:17.718)
I have a learning disability. So growing up I've spent much of my life craving that rhythm and predictability. And I know children crave that too. So when I became a mom, creating that rhythm for our family felt natural for me. You know, not a strict schedule, just just the f flow of the day. meals and outside time and quiet time. So things that made us feel steady.

Maggie (09:32.846)
Mm.

Maggie (09:40.59)
Yeah. And how much simpler would all of that been had you had a whole horde of women or family family members? You know, that's one part of the the Villa Gasto is that you know, that multi generational family unit that just seems to be totally, you know, non existent in, you know, America at least.

Meara (10:05.774)
Yeah.

Maggie (10:08.313)
And I don't know I don't know if I could imagine I could probably live with my parents and and it would be fine. They're not you know, they definitely have their opinions, but I think that they you know, I I just don't I just don't know how that would work. Like who runs the household? You know, I I've never I've never experienced it, so I I'm not really sure. It's it's a hard thing to kind of

Meara (10:28.365)
Yeah.

Maggie (10:35.781)
think about but I would love to have a property where we had our house and then we had a secondary house on our property where my parents could live. That would be that would be amazing. Yeah.

Meara (10:40.75)
Meara (10:46.04)
That would be amazing. Yeah. My my family are super independent women and I grew up being like that as well. So it's can I come and see you to my own mother? Well, let me look at my calendar, my aunts, let me look at my calendar. So

There would there would be no possibility of even thinking about moving in with any of them because they have their own schedule, their own routine. And my mom, she's in her mid-70s now. She still she d goes out and does everything and she's very independent still. But my husband moving from another country, you know, we we ended up just kind of falling into a rhythm because he and I both had that that pattern about

that we were able to thrive on. But if we would have moved and stayed in his country, we would have definitely had his parents move in with us and taken care of them because that's what you do. You take care of your parents in his country, you know, and he still provides for them here.

Maggie (11:33.903)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (11:38.323)
And I would have loved to have lived with his mother and father. And they're always they would have just been like, you know, we'll bring the kids over and we would have wanted to go out and we would have just dropped them off at their house for an hour and they wouldn't have thought anything of it. we'll just let them spend the night, you know. And I see how they do that with their grandchildren there now. So it is interesting how it feels like being here in the United States, everything is very independent and gotta get it done, gotta get it done. No, hold on a second, gotta get it done, gotta get it done. And a lot

of some other countries are are pretty laid, you know, laid back and relaxed where you are living with the parents. Now there is that fine line between I know culture, you know, you move in with the parents, the woman moves in, leaves their parents home to go live with the husband's parents and things happen there too. And there's a lot of there's a lot of things that go on that people are like, Well I would never do that. I would want to be on my own. But but they are kind of becoming more relaxed.

you know, nowadays than they were before. But that's something that I would have loved I would have loved to have done. to have that and gain that knowledge from them and learn their tradition and have them pass things down. we just don't have that.

Maggie (12:36.217)
Yeah.

Maggie (12:46.809)
Yeah. Yes. That and and even within you know, I can remember growing up and my mom did a lot of things, cooking wise and stuff, but it was never it was never something that we really worried about I guess us learning because you just need that less and less because society was becoming bigger and better and you know, there's so many things that we

just didn't need to know how to do anymore. And and that is just that whole that is just exploded. And the amount of knowledge that humans once had is gone. Now we have knowledge of brands and celebrities and sports and all this stuff that doesn't matter. That's fun. But it doesn't matter. Living matters. Health matters.

Meara (13:31.606)
It has.

Meara (13:35.255)
Yeah. Yeah.

Meara (13:41.742)
Mm.

Yeah.

Maggie (13:46.405)
Connection matters, love matters. That's you know society.

Meara (13:54.487)
I th I think that's what a lot of women are craving these days too, is they're finally realizing, you know, they're stopping dead in their tracks because the world's getting so nuts and they're like, Wait a minute, this isn't how it's supposed to be And I've noticed a lot of things lately as well. I I do spend a good amount of time on my phone between work, the podcast, business, life in general. But

I have been making a conscious effort to put it down throughout the day. And what I realized is my children aren't usually asking for hours of attention like they used to. most of the time they just want a few minutes, you know, acknowledgement and they want to see what I'm I'm making or me see what they're building and hear what they're saying and being a part of their world in that moment. And then they're off doing their own thing again. And it's almost just like they needed that connection first. It's not like they needed that they needed that connection first. And I've stopped doing social media except for our

Maggie (14:35.781)
Hm.

Meara (14:46.038)
Facebook and the Instagram I'm getting up for the business. But other than that I don't doom scroll on my phone continuously. Like I know that's what a lot of people are falling into now and we just need to get back to the children, even though they get on our nerves. If you pay attention, then they'll go away, I promise. 'Cause then they won't want to be near you. you're giving me too much attention. Yeah. And they run off. Yeah.

Maggie (15:12.845)
you know, I and I I think it's just all about setting you know, setting time limits even for you know, we used to have time limits for the kids on their on their tablets and and T V and that sort of thing, but you know, they've gotten to the point where like for recording this, I put the TV on for them and I gave them their tablets. But I can hear them, they're all sitting down playing together.

Meara (15:41.347)
Yeah.

Maggie (15:41.765)
They're not on their screens. They're not watching TV. They're playing. And that's that's awesome. Now, if it gets to a point where I see that they're on their stuff a lot, then yeah, that's it's gonna go away for a while again.

Meara (15:45.506)
Mm-hmm.

Maggie (15:56.537)
Just so they can rebuild that, hey, this other world exists and it's way better than our screens. You know, it is easy to get caught up in it. And it's just a matter of and I did it myself. And my husband was like, hey, he was like, You are on your phone too much. And I'm just like, Really? And and I'm like, wow, you know, I'm like now that you say this, I'm like, yes, you're right, I am.

Meara (16:02.976)
Mm-hmm.

It

Maggie (16:22.549)
and I've said it to him before, you know, and the kids will let us know too. I'm frozen. Am I moving? Okay. That's great. And that's just, you know, it's a lovely visual too. It's awesome.

Meara (16:27.694)
Yeah.

Meara (16:32.312)
I I think it'll be okay. I think it'll fix itself.

Maggie (16:40.835)
You know, so and I I do like especially going on Instagram 'cause I follow a lot of holistic doctors and and people and I get good information there. But I only give myself a certain amount of time to do it and then I'm I'm done for the day, you know. And things will have to wait and I'll have to learn, you know, in time.

Meara (16:48.162)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (16:56.397)
Yeah.

Meara (00:02.806)
Our older kids actually they had tablets when they were younger. and we let them have tablets what because we were doing a lot of traveling back and forth internationally. And then when everyone came here, we would do tablets for just like an hour in the evening, but then a few years ago they got in trouble for something. I don't even remember what that reason was for, and we just took their tablets away. And we just never gave it back to them.

And it wasn't because we were against, you know, technology. We we just never we never thought about it and and they never asked for it again. And I feel like it reminds me that kids don't always need us to give them something for them to do. sometimes they just need their own space so that they can they can figure things out on their on their own.

Maggie (00:39.274)
Mm-hmm.

Maggie (00:53.492)
Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. you know, I I like the idea and my husband and I have talked about it before about just getting rid of them. but we do we'll have like family Minecraft we'll where we'll, you know, play together and a lot of times, you know, we'll do survival and then everyone will go in with a job. Someone's gotta get wood, someone's gotta

you know, do this. So it does create a fun thing for us to do and things for them to work on and certain challenges. And I do feel that they need to be somewhat aware of technology and know how to use it because that is the world that we do live in. you know, but to have it all day and to have, you know, just to be sitting on it all day long.

Meara (01:36.802)
Mm-hmm.

Meara (01:50.51)
Yeah.

Maggie (01:52.191)
and it's amazing, you know, once you take it away from they'll figure out how to be and how to do things without it, you know, and they'll be happier and healthier. But yeah, it is, you know. Would I rather have my parents here to watch them when I'm recording or doing something else? Yes, I would, but

Meara (02:14.466)
Yes, please.

Maggie (02:18.231)
but you know, they live forty five minutes away, so that's not a quick a quick trip for them either. So

Meara (02:25.07)
So

Yeah. I think the biggest thing that I have learned is that the village isn't something that you just find. it's something that you build, you know, one conversation, friendship, another woman's saying, me too, because that's what we're all craving. Honestly. We're not perfect. We're not craving perfection. we just

Maggie (02:37.077)
Mm mm.

Maggie (02:46.965)
Yeah.

Meara (02:52.918)
We're craving that connection and a place where we can be honest and open about motherhood and marriage and perimenopause and our work and faith and all the messy parts of life without without feeling judged. And honestly, that's why I'm so grateful for our relationship. And it's not because we have all the answers for each other, but it's because we can have these conversations and I think women are looking for that for that too.

And I think our children are also looking for something similar, not more entertainment or screens, but more connection and more room to be bored.

Maggie (03:22.581)
Yes.

Maggie (03:29.342)
More connection. Yes. And just more, you know, more support too. And it's not you know, it's like today, like w we have this notion where, you know, women are admired for doing it all. And that's so that's so silly and and there's this guilt that comes along with receiving help or

Meara (03:35.191)
Yeah.

Maggie (03:55.937)
This feeling of being lazy or incompetent for not being able to do it on your own. And and that we have to nip in the butt right away. Because everybody needs help, especially mothers, because there is so much that goes. There is so much that's involved in motherhood and wifehood and womanhood alone. You know, we are

Meara (04:08.814)
Yeah.

Maggie (04:25.256)
you know complex creatures and we need we need the support of other women whether we have children or or not you know whether we're married or not women are meant to be in groups of women yes

Meara (04:28.782)
Creatures. We are.

Meara (04:43.138)
Yeah.

Meara (04:47.48)
Connected. We are. Well, if there's one thing I hope, or if there's one thing that we hope.

that people take away from this conversation, it would be that you don't need that perfect village. You just need that place to start. And we always say that in all of our episodes. Just a you know a simple place to start. One friendship, one invitation, one phone call, one honest conversation. This is how villages are built. And that's go ahead.

Maggie (05:22.292)
And it's okay to depend on others. Because right now, let me tell you, we are all dependent on the system that was created. And that system is fragile and they can tear it away from us whenever they want. But they cannot break the bonds that you have with other human beings. So I am dependent on my best friend Mira here.

Meara (05:26.968)
That is.

Meara (05:44.268)
They really can't. I

Maggie (05:48.566)
And the powers that be can never take that away. We always have that. And that is you know, that is what we as women need to start finding and building and keeping.

Meara (05:52.909)
Yeah.

Meara (06:03.107)
Yeah.

So I was gonna say something and then and then I completely blew my mind. That's okay. If this episode spoke to you, share it with another woman who may need to hear it. Let's keep building the village one woman at a time. And next week join us for Rest Is Not Laziness, Why Women Are Exhausted. Until then.

Maggie (06:09.502)
I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Maggie (06:27.326)
Stay rooted and stay wild.

Meara (06:29.76)
Stay wild.